I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
