Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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