I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
