Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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