I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
