guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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