so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
