it wasn't lemon gatorade
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
