But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
