I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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