She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
