We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
