Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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