I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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