I faked an abortion last night.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
