Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
