3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
