too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
