I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
