I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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