Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
