i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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