you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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