why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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