false alarm. still invincible.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
