Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
the gays at disneyland are vicious
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
