adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
