I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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