I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
