I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Are my feet made of real feet?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize