Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
