i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
