At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
