Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
