I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
