I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
