the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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