I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she pinky promised me she was 18
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
