a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
