PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My life is pants optional.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
