I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
