Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I did not marry a roomba.
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