Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
