If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
