dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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