Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
