but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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