do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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