When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
