dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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