I faked an abortion last night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
