why didn't you poke me back
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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