She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
