I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
