I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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