And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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