grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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