Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
