the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
