booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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