I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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