two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
