fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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