Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize