So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
