Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Someone signed my nipple.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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